Porn, on the 4th of July

Ah, Smut! What an institution!

Yes, porn is as American as Old Glory, the bald eagle, baseball, Mom (bad visual, must get out of head), and apple pie. So as we the denizens of this great land look back and celebrate our history and independence, while sipping domestic beers at our backyard barbecues and at fireworks displays, let's take a moment to consider the origins of this other national pastime.

For those of you interested in tracing porn back to its roots, consider this very informative article . If you just don't have the time (because that grilled hotdog is just about done) and would prefer another Cliffnotes-esque, timeline version, I'd recommend A Brief History of Porn. Finally, if you're looking to own a good resource on the beginnings of the adult film industry in this country, you could do much worse than The Other Hollywood: The Uncensored Oral History of the Porn Film Industry ...


Pornstars born on July the 4th - and currently active to my knowledge - include Hannah Harper, Eufrat, and Holly Wellin (thanks to the IAFD for this bit of info). Curiously enough, none of them were born American: Eufrat is a Czech chick, while Harper and Wellin both hail from merry old England.

"But," you say, "I don't care where they're from. Where is their porn material, dude?" I thought you'd never ask...;)

Sex Toy Info: If she (or anyone else) builds it, they will cum...

I want to thank Sue Johanson for giving me the heads up concerning this toy. (WARNING: if you're allergic to bad or questionable puns, you might want to turn away now; this article, as I will unabashedly note in each circumstance, is littered with them.) It was her television show on the Oxygen cable network that first turned me on (+2) to the Head Honcho male masturbator. Now, according to her website TalkSexwithSue , said

masturbator has been voted Best Toy of the Year by her visitors and viewers. The poll/pole (+3) results were announced in late May of 2007.

For those who don't know, the Honcho is very much like other masturbators in that it fits over the shaft of the penis. When you maneuver the device up and down your member (simulating the jerk-off motion, of course), the (count 'em) 3 suction pockets within the Head Honcho supposedly create the great erotic sensation you feel. It allegedly feels just like a warm vagina.

The toy is made of silicon and is sort of clear (semi-lucent) in appearance, which I hear is part of the appeal to men: they like to see the moment of ejaculation within.

Johanson originally aired her views on The Head Honcho in October of last year (2006). Up until that point, I'd thought that all of her reviews were independent reviews of others' products. I mean, the whole crux of her show was to give unbiased, pertinent sexual information. How could she review her own product objectively? Wouldn't there be a whole "conflict of interest" clause involved?

So for a long time I believed that the toy was produced by another party (which it was/is, by the way), and was so personally admired by Johanson et al that, in subsequent productions of the Head Honcho, she later decided to lend her name to the product. I later found out that she was addressing an item that was in her own toy line from the start. But, just to let you know, two other separate and independent reviewers concurred with her analysis.

Nevertheless, none of this is either here nor there when it comes to the popularity of the masturbator. And by the way, the Honcho is created by California Exotic, but like I said is endorsed and (highly) recommended by Ms Johanson.

Whatever the Head Honcho's origins, it's a simple-to-use, inexpensive, hands-on (+4), and might I add aesthetically-pleasing device (if you can imagine your girlfriend having a transparent pussy :0). It seems to be well-deserving of its Viewer's Choice status.

With that in mind, I've already written a short, fictional acceptance speech for the Head Honcho. It goes a little something like this:

"Thank you all for coming (+5). First, I'd like to thank the male voters for putting me ahead (+6) of the field. I'd like to especially thank CE for sticking with my production, when I wasn't so well-known and through the (not so) hard times (as far as customers were concerned). Your perseverance in the adult novelty business, unlike my working environment, can't be beat.

"Let's do it again next year. Thanks again."

Porn Titles for Dummies

I'm almost convinced that there are no good/catchy porn titles left. Or, let me rephrase that, very few...

Of course what constitutes a good title, and I realize this, is highly subjective. Also keep in mind, and I am aware of this fact also, when it comes to buying a skin flick in person, the box cover and the presence of their favorite star are 1 and 1A in the typical pornophile's (read guy's) decision-making process.

The importance of the title becomes evident when one is confronted with a list of DVD names (without the accompanying cover art) on a website, and one doesn't have time to click on the link to each DVD in the list or copy and paste each non-clickable title into one's pet search engine.

On the other hand, let's say that said list is already that of your favorite star and/or genre of porn and you're just trying to pare your way down to a few manageable prospects (again, DVD sight-unseen). Or maybe you do see the covers of all the DVDs and a lot, if not all, of them look equally tempting ; everywhere you look it's pussies and asses and tits, oh my. In these scenarios, a title that grabs you is a definite plus.

When it comes to names of porn flicks, at the bottom of the heap (and this is just my opinion, but I'm sure a lot of you would agree) are the ones that are just plain boring, non-descriptive, too long, not-funny, or just a take-off on a bad pun. (Again, I'm only describing their titles - the content, to the contrary, might be quite good.) Anyone one of these flaws, in and of itself, may not be a deal-breaker (except, in my opinion, the bad pun flaw. I think the title Little Red Rides The Hood is a damn nuisance). But two or more of these characteristics in a name might just kill it (with "it" being your preferential interest) for you.

Then there there are those titles that are just too generic (in a not-really-descriptive way) and overly-used - like ____ Erotica _____ (insert only one other word either before or after "erotica"). No lie, I was looking for a certain DVD title that someone asked for in one of those porn forum Requests sections.

Before I even started the search, I thought to myself sarcastically, "Temptation shouldn't be too hard to find." Sure enough, I find a handful of titles with only the word "temptation": two or three were accompanied by an article, "the" or "a", while one or two productions presented with the plural form "s".

These were all viable candidates considering the fact that a lot of times people don't know the exact title (even in such a simple case) - including articles ,plural forms and all - of movies they're looking for. And by the way, those handful of results didn't even include those titles exactly-named "Temptation", or those titles with one other smaller word (like "isle", "asian", or "eyes") in the title which a porn looker-upper (bear with me, but my thesaurus has gone missing again) could easily overlook.

I did eventually find the exact DVD the guy was looking for, but only because the guy was very descriptive in saying the 2 or three stars that were in the movie, and hinting at right about when (what year) the film came out. He even broke down one of the scenes in the movie. Otherwise you'd be hard-pressed to discern which one of those Temptation movies he was talking about.

Of course, DVDs simply and straight-forwardly (I put the thesaurus in the drawer of the fax cart. Why would someone take it and not tell me?) stating their contents in their names are mostly good things - e.g. Big White Wet Butts. They're not necessarily funny nor creative, but they get the job done. They're nice and safe.

Another example is Naked College Coeds : from this title one can glean the fact that the performers in this DVD attend institutes of higher learning (or so they claim *wink* *wink*). And at some point they shun all, or practically all, of their clothing. What more do you need to know? Good job by the movies producer(s) in straight-forward marketing (via the title) in a genre (Young/Teen/Coed) that's very popular to begin with.

The problem is just about all of the good, to-the-point titles are already taken, and are in their umpteenth versions. Exhibit A: Booty Talk 74 (take that, Friday the 13th and Police Academy ! :))

Still, when in doubt, simple, 2-or-3-descriptive-word titling is generally good. Even when titles in this category go 7 or 8 words long they don't seem to lose their effectiveness much, as long as they stay on point. For example, 1 In The Snapper 1 In The Crapper . Although, the longer the title, the less likely a random surfer is going to remember it precisely enough to google it.

I'm not sure exactly where they stand on the good-bad scale, but some movie names just pique your interest. Don't Worry, It'll Fit - right off the top of your head, what do you think it's about (its genre)? You have to figure that some sort of penetration is involved. Nevertheless, that title is so intriguing, it's not even funny. What is funny (sort of, I think) is the title itself.

Then there's the best of all worlds: short & concise, descriptive, and chuckle-worthy. I submit to you Who's Your Mommie? . Three words long , easy to remember by the average internet surfer (it's just a take-off on the common Daddy phrase), descriptive (not AS descriptive as some of my previous examples), and just about everyone knows what genre of porn we're talking here (MILF). The title's not ROFL funny, but like I said it'll make you smirk (at least it made me).

I want to hear from you: What, in your opinion, are some of the worst titles you've ever heard? And the best?

Pornstar News - T&A Q&A

Well, it was bound to happen. Everyone else gets their breasts done, so why not Katja Kassin? The operation went down at the end of last month.

I'd always admired Ms. Kassin for the fact that, in a place (the San Fernando Valley) where just about every pornstar gets a boob job, she had resisted the urge to join the trend of her contemporaries.

As a matter of fact, I brought that same point up to her at her message boards the other day. I asked her (in effect), if the whole big-butted white-girl thing was her niche, and she'd established a whole fan base on it lo these many years, why did she feel the need to go the breast lift route now? Mind you, she did have a B-cup (which is enough for a lot of guys in the voyeuristic sense) to begin with, and she'd already stated at this other thread at the forum the reasons why she'd always stay at her God-given size.

In no uncertain terms, she answered that she was doing it for several reasons (and I'm paraphrasing here):
A) she had always thought of her body as kind of lopsided, with a big derriere that stuck out but a not-so-protruding front side;
B) she wanted a crack at certain adult projects (movies, magazines, and dancing) that she would normally not have a chance at with smaller breasts; and
C) she wanted to do something good for her and her body. And, dammit!, it was her body so it was her perogative to do whatever she chose to do with it. (She didn't really say "damn it", I just added that part myself. But you could tell from her tone that that was what she meant to say. Plus, the expression makes for more drama, no? :))

[Start Aside] Just between me and you, I don't think that the person that posts as Katja Kassin at her forum is the real deal. I mean, I'm sure that the person that posts as her has the authority to post as her, and knows her and her business (both industry-related and personal) very intimately. It's just that I've heard her speak dialogue (rarely, but enough to know better) in her movies and heard her in interview settings to make me claim that her grammar in her postings is too good and her syntax is too perfect in a language that is not her native tongue (which is German, as most of you know), for that entity at the boards to be her.

Besides, "she" answers a lot of her fans' posts there just about every single day. Now, if you were a mega-pornstar (and I'm talking to you fellas, too) and spent just about everyday doing ass-fucking shoots (and Ms. Kassin has a great reputation as an anal queen), or signing at some expo / meet-and-greet (which she does a lot of according to her own calendar), would you really want to come home at night, log onto your computer and reply to some porn-addicted fanboy (a very nice porn-addicted fanboy, by the way, who's just trying to do his best by his blog :)) who's asking you the question for the gazillionth time, "Why the boob job now after all these years?"

No. Most likely you designate a close relative, friend, or business associate (webmaster) for those kinds of things, so that when you do get home at night, you're free to call and chat up some girlfriends, have some ice cream, and/or watch CSI Miami.

I ain't hatin' on her or anything like that. I mean, it wouldn't be the first time a fan wouldn't be actually chatting one-on-one with an adult entertainer. You see, for example, a big-time starlet like Nina Mercedez who has (or at least she used to; I'm not sure if she still does) a webcam show? Someone has to type their replies to you the viewer, while she's getting naked.

That's just my opinion on the "Katja Kassin" person at her forum. You be the judge - I would love to hear your take on this. [/End Aside]

I'd covered this booty-and-boob topic before. And while I was kind of sad and dissappointed when Teagan Presley got her breast increase done, now, in Ms. Kassin's case, I'm more just dissappointed: I've come to accept fake boobs as part of the adult industry. At this point, I'm thinking if you're in the business long enough, you will (not "might") eventually get implants. No good natural figure in porn goes untainted.

I would've posted some Kassin pics featuring the new twins, but she hasn't done any shoots yet since her surgery; understandably, she's still recuperating. I'll try to post something from her first post-augmentation boy/girl project, which is booked for the end of this month, as soon as that material becomes available. Which, with this whole internet thing, should be about an hour after the scene's cumshot...