Porn DVD Review: Jenna Jameson Is The Masseuse

The Masseuse is a Vivid Entertainment production that just might rub some guys the wrong way... Let me start off with a few words about Vivid. I have no quibble at all with those folks when it comes to the aesthetics of their movies: the cinematography (and the fact that the word “cinematography” comes up when describing a skin flick these days is partly due to them), the sound (there

is one scene in this movie where you see the boom in the shot; no wonder the sound editing is so good. :)), the camera angles (which includes a technique that allows you to change your viewing angle at certain times in the movie when a certain icon pops up), and even the background music soundtrack are all top-notch.

And I have to say, I also like the technique of skipping frames in character motion sequences. What I mean is, for example, Jenna Jameson could be starting to put her blouse back on (and this actually happened in the movie). You see her put the garment on top of her head in one fluid motion, and the next frame after the one with the blouse on her head, is with her pulling the blouse over her belly. The technique sort of skips out on the portraying of the inevitable.

Is The Masseuse story any good ? My answer to that would be that it’s better than most porn tales (what do you expect in terms of adult themes in the first place?). Besides, it is a retread of a classic adult flick to begin with, and if the original story wasn’t any good, they wouldn’t have bothered to redo it.

If you don’t know what the gyst of the plot is, a young nerdy male (played by Justin Sterling) gets infatuated with a female masseuse (played by Jameson), and the two share some physical and emotional adventures. That’s the short version of the story. On to the sex...

The first scene (if you could call it that) is nice and sweet, nothing mind-blowing (a theme that seems to haunt most of the Jameson-Sterling hookups, and a theme I will expound on as I go along). It’s basically a hand job for Sterling by Jameson on a massage table. The second scene is a blowjob one on the same table.

Before I go on, I have to say that The Masseuse has the word “chick porn” written all over it: from the extensive plot points ; to the budding romance between the two main protagonists; to the handful of scenes that consist of nothing but foreplay (no hardcore whatsoever in the scene); to the sappy background music; to the hunky and clean-cut (read “non-Ron Jeremy-looking“) but shy leading guy.

But don’t let that “chick porn” tag scare you fellas away. Because here comes Maya Devine…Maya Devine is - what word am I looking for? - absolutely divine. Even in the solo scene that she has by herself (sort of), she is one hell cat that would be fun to tame.

The third scene between Jameson and Sterling (I know, I see all you guys out there rolling your eyes already) is actually not as trite as the previous two. It’s sort of a dungeon scene (and you can see here and in later scenes where Jameson got in some good practice for her later project Jenna Loves Pain) in Sterling’s garage/chamber/rec room. He ties her up while she’s on her feet, blindfolds her, and partially gags her. He then both dildo and finger fucks her, and to top it off, he makes her go down on him.

You may think this scene is no better (or worse) than the previous trysts with these two. But my contention is that any scene or movie that puts the most powerful woman in porn (you know who) in a submissive and/or bound role is one I want to see. That’s why I liked Jenna Loves Pain so much.

The best episode in the movie, perhaps, is the one between Samson and Jameson. The scene basically consists of Jenna licking and sticking (with a strap-on) Samson while she’s fettered in chains (Samson, too, is bound in the standing position); and then a harnessed Samson returning the favor by fucking Jameson in a number of positions on a bed (Ms. Jenna even performs fellatio on the toy before taking it in her pussy). The energy in this scene is very raw, upbeat, and all-around great. And besides, Samson is somewhat limber (must be all that ballet training), a quality which is always a good thing in a sex scene, no matter how dull or exciting the actors’ performances are.

I’d said in a previous Jenna movie review that it appeared to me that Jameson was always on the giving end in her lesbian scenes: that she was usually the one to take a strap-on to her counterpart. But after watching her scene with Samson , I have to recant that statement a bit. She (Jenna) both gives it AND takes it good and hard from Savanna. Frankly, I didn’t know that Samson had that kind of domme in her. (And by the way, why wasn’t Samson in more scenes in this movie? Just a personal preference on my part...)

There’s an episode between Evan Stone and Devine that’s better than any of the Jameson-Sterling ones, in my opinion. First of all, it takes place in the work setting (which means forbidden and therefore exciting; two traits that hubby-wife porn star sex is usually NOT). Second of all, like I said, Devine’s character (and most likely she herself also) is a gorgeous, sexual, hellion.

Sometimes you have to rely on the guy in a scene to bring the energy when the woman’s performance falls flat, which is exactly what Evan Stone does in this scene (and just about every scene he’s in these days). Not that it is needed here because Maya Devine is no dead fish in the sack herself. This is one of the two or three best scenes in The Masseuse , in my opinion, even though it’s your basic boy-girl suck-and-fuck - with a dildo poke thrown in for good measure.

When you look at the arc of the sexual energy in The Masseuse, it has a nice build to it: the sex starts simple and gradually builds until you get the scorching scene between Jameson and Samson. The gusto tapers off a smidgeon (if at all) between Devine and Stone. Then it sort of falls of the table with the last scene between Jameson and Sterling. Their last scene is more slow and tender, if anything.

This scene (the fourth one exclusively between the two, I might add) is the first one that is actually hardcore - i.e it involves mutual genital contact on their part. Of course the tryst also encompasses everything they’d done together up until this point, including oral. Call it a full-service scene (in keeping with the massage motif) between the two.

And I’m not saying there’s anything necessarily wrong with a slow, sensual grind. It’s just that...

I’d also stated once before that hubby-wife sex - in the absence of props or other scene mates - isn’t usually that sexy. I’ve got to say that this scene definitely brings that point home. Even if you didn’t know that these two were married (like I did going in), this scene falls a little short after the recently concluded sexcapades. But, if you want to see Jenna Jameson in some hardcore action these days, this is the only way you’re going to see it as long as she stays married.

Another small problem I had with The Masseuse (other than the extensive marital humdrumness) is the absence of anal sex. But I can let that slide a little (and only a little) because I knew that this film was primarily a Jameson vehicle, and she don’t do anal, period; hubby or no hubby. So I wasn’t terribly surprised with the lack of butt-plugging.

But all in all, taking in the aesthetics of the film, the storyline, and a couple of very good sex scenes (again, even though there’s no anal throughout the movie), The Masseuse is very good. I predict that the film will win a handful of AVN awards, and possibly even validate this Jameson woman’s career. ;)




The Masseuse

Diary of a Mad, Black Blogger

Dear Journal,

I’m so glad Tera Patrick is doing other guys again, and not just her spouse. Like I said on a previous occasion, for the most part, no one wants to see hubby-wife porn star sex (unless they’re amateurs, maybe) over and over again. I don’t want to watch something that any conservative Christian group would sign off on (“Marital sex? Well, I guess that’s okay.”)

Besides, speaking of Ms. Tera only doing girls (in addition to her husband), I think lesbian porn is WAY over-rated, anyway. Sure it’s nice to see two women in one place - my reasoning being, one naked girl looks great while two naked girls look even better. But it’s hard for me to mentally insert myself in a porn scene (and isn’t that fantasy of being there the lure of pornography as a whole?) if there are no dudes there...

Remind me never to sign up for U-Rent DVDs ever again. What’s the problem with them, you ask? Their rentals take a whole week to ship to you (and I understand that I will always have that issue with outfits that are based exclusively on the opposite coast); and every single one of their DVDs were scratched up!

My initial shipment included 3 DVDs: one of them refused to play in my PS2, while the other two would start to play but would never finish (they would stall). When I tried to play them in my computer DVD-ROM drive, it was like pulling teeth trying to get them to play (I had to wipe the hell out of them). Meanwhile, two of them still refused to play to completion...

J, I think it’s time Taylor Wane and Dick Nasty disbanded their KSEXradio show , “The British are Cumming.” At first I thought that that Wane chick was hilarious and she was super fresh. She would give Nasty some good-natured ribbing, no big deal. Then all of a sudden a couple of weeks ago, she goes all psycho and starts saying these mean-spirited things to Dick. And through most of the ribbing up until and including the insults, he would just sit there and take her shit. He did fire back a couple of times, and Wane actually sounded shocked that he gave her what she’d been giving him all this time (“How dare he stick up for himself?” ).

I think those two have some serious issues bubbling underneath the surface, and they need to quit each other before someone gets seriously hurt.

And while I’m on the subject of KSEXradio, I’m still mad at myself for missing Katja Kassin’s appearance on the station the other day. It would have been one thing if she appeared on a show that I normally wouldn’t listen to. What gets me is that she appeared on a show that I listen to all the time (and it just might be my pet show that they broadcast), “The Porn Hunnies Smut Top 20.” Oh well, I’ll just have to make do with these pictures and clips of my favorite big-butted, redheaded, German porn star...





You’re such a good listener, J. We should do this more often. :)

Porn DVD Review: Beefeaters 2

Beefeaters 2 is a gonzo flick (no storyline whatsoever), about two and a half hours long, that specializes - as you might expect - in the art of fellatio. The movie is more than competent if you’re into dick-sucking. If you’re not into it, the DVD can get old fast. In any event, by the middle of the second scene , you will pretty much have seen every which way and technique used in the process.

If there was ever a movie purely for fantasizing about being in one particular situation (namely, in receiving head) whilst jerking off to that fantasy, Beefeaters 2 is it. The scenes are too similar to appreciate or even recognize any sort of production value there-in. Besides, you don’t really get the opportunity to appreciate the package that is each girl’s body (other than for the first couple of minutes in each scene) while masturbating. The oral sex is shot mostly POV (point-of-view) style; and as far as the watcher is concerned, the view largely consists of a pretty face, open mouth, and two hands.

You start the movie and watch it until you pop. When you’re done jerking off, you stop Beefeaters 2 and pick up next time where you left off. It's as simple as that.

Since the scenes are very similar, let’s focus on the girls and their pre-fellatio rituals. The girls are for the most part very hot, and there are twelve of them. That is a lot of girls for one (non-compilation) project, so good job by the producers of Beefeaters 2, 3rd Degree. And these are not all also-rans in the adult industry. There are a lot of big name starlets here.

Moreover, the DVD features a nice eclectic mix of women: from bulkier women to skinny women, from brunettes to blondes, from big (fake) boobs to small (but nice and real) breasts. There were only three ethnic women by my count, two Blacks and a Latina. Not enough in my opinion, especially considering there are no Asians , but at least there is diversity here.

The other part of Beefeaters 2 - like I said - that offered any variety (besides the look of the women) is the girls’ collective pre-cocksucking ritual. I will go through each scene, but to re-iterate most (if not all) of them follow the same script: woman is dressed; woman gets un-dressed (or partially so) whilst playing with herself; woman crawls over on hands and knees to cock; beef-eating commences. Not all of the girls gulp down their respective popshot (I know, you’re thinking, “What is the world coming to?”)

Scene : Katja Kassin
Intro: sticks dildo into pussy, then into mouth; finger fucks herself.
Swallow? yes
Comments: Okay, I admit it: Katja is absolutely one of my favorites. She can do no wrong in my book (that ass is like whoa!). :)

Scene : Dillan Lauren
Intro: rubs her clit and pussy lips, massages her breasts.
Swallow? yes
Comments: I thought she needed to play with herself a little more at the outset. Don’t blink at the end of the scene or you might miss the money shot (it’s that hard to see).

Scene : Sophia
Intro: double-finger fucks herself; sucks her own juices off said fingers.
Swallow? yes and no
Comments: Just when it seems she’s about to let the cum spill from her mouth, she has a change of heart and gobbles a lot of it (not all) back up.

Scene : Kelly Wells
Intro: fucks herself with a 3-pronged glass dildo (you have to see it to believe it), then sucks her juices off the instrument.
Swallow? yes (with a vengeance)
Comments: While just about all of the other women whisper sexily about all the dirty things they’re going to do to your cock, she practically shouts. You talk about a mood-ruiner. Plus, she makes these frightening faces…I guess she is trying to look sexy, but it just comes across as horror. Besides, while it’s nice to hear gargling, choking noises from a girl every once in a while as she deep-throats, she seemed to be choking constantly, which is not that sexy. And her tearing up did nothing to enhance her moody, horrified expression. I do give her credit for one thing: she not only swallows at the end of her scene, she gargles the whole saliva-cum mixture like mouthwash before doing so.

Scene : Marie Luv
Intro: inserts butt-plug into vagina, then deep-throats it.
Swallow? yes
Comments: For a while there it looks like she’s about to spit…

Scene : Kristen Price
Intro: self-fucks with bulbar-headed glass dildo; licks dildo clean.
Swallow? yes
Comments: n/a

Scene : Flower Tucci
Intro: finger-fucks and massages pussy until she squirts; then takes 3-pronged dildo (similar to the one previously-mentioned) and dps (double-penetrates) herself with two of the glass heads until she squirts again.
Swallow? yes
Comments: I’m always wary of stars who allegedly “squirt”. It might just be a water trick, who knows…

Scene : Mia Bangg
Intro: screws her ass with rubber dildo.
Swallow? yes
Comments: She bangs! She bangs! This girl is absolutely smoking’. Where has she been hiding all my life?

Scene : Melody Bliss
Intro: strokes her clit for a (very) short while.
Swallow? no
Comments: I’m a little disappointed in Miss Bliss: no finger-insertion, nor dildo-play, nor (horror of horrors!) wad-swallowing. Yes, my friends, the world can be a sad place sometimes.

Scene : Missy Monroe
Intro: double-digit fucks herself : finger-licking-good action.
Swallow? yes
Comments: *TOO MUCH SALIVA WARNING*. It’s hard not to notice this fact when she does most of the scene with her head upside-down, and there’s a trail of spit that forms a thick sideburn on one side of her face.

Scene : Tyla Wynn
Intro: gets down with an extremely long rubber double dildo; alternates between sticking one end of the dildo in her mouth and the other end in her pussy; at one point it looks as if she might accomplish both feats at the same time (the dildo is that long).
Swallow? no
Comments: Wynn is very energetic, she sucks cock like a champ, and she has a mouth that would make a sailor blush. In my opinion, this is the best tryst in the whole production, despite the fact that she doesn’t swallow (and despite my Kassin-bias).

Scene : August
Intro: disrobes (a little), rubs vagina under thong front covering (non-viewable) and through clothing.
Swallow? no
Comments: Again, I expected more from this gorgeous Latina. (*sigh*)






Beef Eaters 2

Looking for porn in all the wrong places...

I can’t believe I, of all people, am going to side with Google today. Well, here goes nothing…

About a week and a half ago, the Department of Justice subpoenaed the four major search engines - Google, Yahoo, MSN, and AOL - to turn over the results of a certain amount of adult search queries performed in each engine. The federal government said it needed the information pursuant to its ongoing monitoring and enforcement of the Child Online Protection Act. While the latter three search giants were cooperative towards the government’s efforts, Google was not.

There are two different aspects of this situation that I‘d like to discuss: the right & wrong of the matter and the reality of it. In a perfect world, Google (and anyone else) would be forthcoming in providing information that would help save children from viewing pornographic images, and/or info that would help authorities catch online adult predators.

Now having said that, from all I know about this current Bush administration, it is hell-bent on ridding this society of pornography (as unrealistic as that goal may seem). So while the DoJ may state one noble reason for seeking this information from Google, the real reason (most likely) - in addition to its COPA defense - for the government’s acquisition is for its mission to eradicate porn.

Realistically-speaking, it seems that Google is well within its rights, in the absence of overt wrong-doing (and remember, this information is not being used to make a prosecutorial case against the search giant), to keep the information regarding its enterprise (public company though it is) to itself. It may disseminate that information to its stockholders or other information-gathering or statistical-analyzing venture on the net (as long as it’s not violating personal privacy issues), as it sees fit. And to Big G, it’s not a matter of shielding questionable or highly irregular adult/porn search terms. It’s an issue of principle.

Some people would say that Google (as well as the other search engines) has only itself to blame in this matter for keeping such detailed records (a fact which is widely-known throughout the internet community) in the first place, but that’s a copout. The Google-heads have a right to know (again, assuming that they handle information irresponsibly) the who, what, when, where, why, and how of everything that transpires in their own little corner (or in Google’s case, their 50-room mansion) of cyberspace.; insofar as porn is concerned or otherwise. And to anyone who uses their engine and doesn’t like that fact, the web is a big place and they’re at liberty to go perform their search queries elsewhere.

Now, to tell you the truth, I think Google is going to lose in this matter anyway. The government is going to get its injunction, and eventually the Googleplex is going to have to submit said records. But, in the meantime, Google is going to come out smelling like a rose. And, if anything, it will gain even more trust, loyalty, and confidence from their patrons; including and especially from those who look for extreme porn.

So in the end, Google may be wrong (and conversely, the government is right) for standing in the way of shielding underage children from porn. But that’s if, and only if, the government is using said information for - and only towards - its intended purpose , which I highly doubt. The reality of the case is that, with the high-profile nature of this case, Google’s steadfastness almost guarantees it a no-lose situation.

Meanwhile, the 35%-total-market-share of online search queries that is the Google juggernaut rolls on, gobbling up any and all information and data streams and sources in its path. Why doesn’t the government legislate an act against that also?