Porn DVD Review: Phatty Girls 5

First impressions are really something: you could be evaluating a person, place, thing, movie, TV show, or situation. And while for the most part that thing or person may not have been up to snuff, your first impression of it or him could be your most enduring one. The reason I bring this up is because, Phatty Girls 5 starts off with a bang. The DVD is a gonzo production

featuring gluteally- (my spell-check is telling me that that’s not a word, but I don’t care :)) endowed women. And first up to bat is Diana Devoe - you talk about a first impression!

She absolutely rules the screen: she’s bootylicious, she’s charming, she’s a sexual freak. Basically, she’s a ride-or-die chick. She and Justin Slayer - who is the DVD’s male talent / producer and is in every scene - talk thrash throughout their entire scene together. I don't mean plain old dirty-talk ("Yeah baby, yeah baby, fuck me harder."), I mean real thrash-talking. They talk about who’s going to make the other cum first, who’s holding out on whom, etc. I've loved watching adult actresses thrash talk on camera ever since I first saw Randi Wright do it (She says to the guy, “Is that all you got, bitch?”).

And Slayer and Devoe go at it for a good 40 minutes of the DVDs two and a half hours (so you know you’re not being cheated in terms of content). If this is not the best scene in the movie it’s a very close second (there’s one that might be better that I’ll describe later). They’re laughing up a storm all the while. I think Devoe is ticklish somewhere between her legs, because it seemed that every once in a while when Slayer would touch her there, she would break out giggling.

All the scenes are filmed at what I would surmise is Slayer’s house or at least his base of operations. It’s a big house and let me tell you, Devoe and Slayer use practically every inch of it. They start of at the mini-bar, and before they’re through, they’ve fucked each other upstairs, downstairs, on the couch, standing up, on the floor, on the bar, by the bar, by the sliding patio doors, etc. Their scene is so good, they had to add more minutes of bonus fucking footage to the Phatty DVD extras.

Then comes CeCe who is an absolute classic black beauty. The moment I saw her, I thought of the actress that played Cleopatra Jones (her name escapes me right now) in those 70s blaxpoitation movies; just a young fine, caramel honey. Her booty isn’t as big as Devoe‘s, but it’s just perfect. (To tell you the truth, Devoe’s ass is a little to big to fit me. If it were me in a scene, I’d prefer Cece’s more manageable behind.)

She’s a little young - 18 I think I heard - so she’s not as charming or sophisticated as Devoe. But with her insanely luscious lips and her all-natural full breasts, she’s the finest sista in Phatty Girls. That’s just my opinion. The sex in this scene is up to par, but that might have more to do with Slayer’s energy. Yes, he’s in every scene, but he brings it each and every time. I ain’t mad at him.

And then there’s Lori Alexia…Mmm, mmm, mmm. I just love this girl. She’s my favorite performer in Phatty Girls and one of my favorite pornstars overall period. And I don’t know why. I mean, she’s not always the prettiest girl in the room, nor does she have the most junk in her trunk, she doesn’t have the best figure, and - while she’s no slouch - she’s not the absolute best performer. There’s just something about her...

She has this great smile and all this confidence, and she’s sweet and bubbly (not annoyingly so) as all get-up. Moreover, she’s won more awards in her young career than 99 % (don’t quote me on that number) of all adult entertainers, in terms of feature dancing and being Miss Nude USA. So the girl has skills. But if you watch Phatty Girls 5 , you wouldn’t need me to tell you that: she does hand stands, back flips, and full splits like nobody’s business.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I think Alexia is going to be the biggest thing in black porn. Maybe as big as Ebony Ayes (trying to think of the most famous black female star in porn history) ever was.

The fourth scene features Koffee Cakes (I hope I’m spelling that right) and Slayer. And remember what I said about Devoe’s ass? Well her ass makes Devoe’s look like a size zero; it’s that gynormous. I don’t know what her middle initial is, but I’m guessing that it’s “D”, and that the D stands for “Dayyyyyummmmmm...”

She’s not really my type - other than her too-big assets (*clears throat*), her hair is too short for my liking. But Slayer handles her also with aplomb.

Last and most certainly not least are Tia Sweets and Yazmene Milan. If you looked up the word “jailbait” in the encyclopedia, there’s a joint picture of these two along with their bios. I mean these girls are young and fresh and adorable, with the cutest little round tushes you ever did see. (The previous women had “asses.” These two only seemed to have “tushes,” for lack of a better word.)

Yazmene is a Middle Eastern honey that’ll make you want to pick up and move to Iraq after taking one look at her face; she’s that beautiful. And Tia is - I was trying so hard to avoid this cliché, but what the hell - one sweet Latina.

So Slayer calls in one of his buddies for back up (and for moral support, I’m sure :)), and both of them do these girls right. And there is a good amount of lesbian action here for those of you interested. Though you kind of wish there were more… Still, this scene is 1A in terms of being the best in Phatty Girls 5 (with Devoe-Slayer being 1B).

And - not that anyone rents or buys skin flicks solely for the soundtrack - the background and intro (when the girls first are introduced) music is beyond decent. The best way I can describe it is smooth and not overbearing. Again, that just might be a view based on my own personal tastes.

So while I probably should be giving Phatty lesser marks for the fact that there is no anal, and the locale is the same, and Slayer is in every scene which gives all of them a small sense of repetition, I would still give this movie my highest recommendation.

And just a word about the anal aspect: I was at first a little disappointed that none of these women took it up the butt in any one of their fine asses. But, according to one of the trailers in the extras, Slayer has an alternate line of films titled Black Women Get Freaky Too . And in that line, the women do anal, DP (double penetration), ass-to-mouth, snowball, etc. So that vindicated Phatty Girls in my eyes in a sense , knowing that there was a method to his madness in terms of the way he works, the way he groups his scenes for production and release, and the way he selects his DVD titles.

To sum up, every single women in Phatty Girls 5 is either charming, sweet, sophisticated, bootylicious, or just drop-dead gorgeous. I’ll say it one better: almost every single woman is a combination of two or more of these traits. So for just about everything that this movie promises, it delivers on - in spades.

Phatty Girls #5