Porn Review: Last Girl Standing

I’m not going to lie. I had high expectations for Last Girl Standing right from the beginning. I mean c’mon, Vivid trotted out just about all their top name contract stars for this vehicle. Not to mention that Vivid’s star director, Paul Thomas, came along for the ride. And by the way, what kind of clout and respect does he have to get that kind of star power all in one film? Basically, the female actors all play

themselves competing for a plum adult role, and they audition for two directors/producers played by Thomas (who has a role in his own movie) and Evan Stone. So actually the plot does seem to hold water. It doesn’t seem out of the realm of possibility that several porn stars would vie for a coveted role (other than the fact that the porn stars in question are all superstars in their own right). And just as in real life, the characters are spoiled and act out when they perceive that they are not getting their way. I’m not going to give away the plot ending, because it throws the viewer a bit of a curve.

Having admitted that I didn’t exactly come into this movie with an open mind, I have to say, I was not disappointed; and not because of the plot either. The girls (and I’m talking about the actors now and not their characters) are all hot, they’re professional, they each come with their own 60-gigawatts of star power, and essentially they all get a chance to shine in the movie. In my opinion, no one (not even The Jenna) overshadows anyone else.

Another thing I have to confess to is the fact that this was my first time seeing most of these pornstresses (as ubiquitous as some of them are) in an actual feature film, and not just in some random clips on the net.

There was no sex scene in Last Girl Standing that I could say was horrible. Before I give you a quick rundown of the individual sex scenes, let me just say right off the bat that there is a good amount of anal in the movie. But if you’re familiar with what a lot of these girls do (which I particularly wasn‘t), you probably would have guessed that. And also, let me just say that while just about every scene was hot, some were hotter than others, and it’s those scenes that I will describe in a little more detail.

Tawny Roberts starts it off with a tryst in an outside hot tub (You’ll have to forgive me if I sometimes don’t mention who a starlet’s partner is in a scene. Frankly, sometimes I wasn’t really paying attention; and besides if you’re considering owning or renting this movie, it’s for Vivid‘s Magnificent Seven, right?). The thing about Tawny is that even though she may not be your type, she really knows how to work it and move her ass.

Kira Kener next has a scene where she does her boy toy outside on some rocks (I know, WTF, right?). Even though the sex isn’t astounding by any stretch, Kira is a great-looking, pretty, little thing to look at; especially in her lingerie. And they hooked her up with some decent, clean-cut stud (check the Last Girl Standing DVD/video jacket, it’s one of those guys...), so this is the kind of porn women will enjoy. This is the first of many anal scenes in the film.

Then comes a sexcapade involving Savannah Sampson and Kurt Lockwood (one of the few guys in the film that I recognize on sight). I personally like Ms. Sampson. Her character just might be the most likable in the whole movie, and she’s pretty good at would she does also. And that includes anal. Too bad she couldn’t clear an airport metal detector even while naked (too many piercings if you ask me).

There’s a tryst between Sunrise Adams and Chris Cannon (he‘s in every other film that I watch, how could I not know him?), and I’m not quite sure if it comes before the one involving Sampson and Lockwood. The former couple get it on on the stairs. Personally, out of all the big name talent in Last Girl Standing, Sunrise is my favorite. While she doesn’t do anal, she’s very adorable and has some of the most beautiful cum faces you’ve ever scene; whether she’s riding cowgirl or getting it doggy-style with one leg over the banister. However, the thing about her is that - and this is not the first time I’ve noticed this in reviewing one of her movies - while she does very good with guys, she seems to do much better with women. More on that later.

Now here is where it really gets interesting: Briana Banks and Evan Stone (anyone who’s watched a skin flick that was produced this century knows this guy). Both of these performers are pros, dude. She - on her part - sucks him, pipes him, and licks man-ass. Stone in turn, bends her every which way, smacks her up (in a good way :)), bangs her real good and proper; and in the end, he “anal”-yzes her “situation.” Hottest scene in Last Girl Standing? Maybe. . .

Or maybe it’s the female orgy-o-rama that follows. It includes every girl who has had a scene up until now plus Mercedez. Even though - and I had a gripe with this fact - there is not a set of natural boobs in the whole room, it’s almost impossible not to enjoy this scene. Six of the top porn stars in the world all in one mass of fleshy, lesbian, humanity. And each of them seem to give as good as they get. So, for example, while Sunrise (did I mention that she was my favorite?) might be taking a dildo in her twat one moment, the next moment she is strapping one on and banging the you-know-what out of the nearest heifer. Like I intimated before, Sunrise Adams seems to have this energy, this enthusiasm, this ferocious gleam in her eyes during lesbian scenes; something that is missing in her straight scenes. Holes get licked, snatches get poked; everyone seems to make the rounds. In other words, each girl hooks up with every other girl at least once.

Briana Banks reveals in one of the Behind-The-Scenes interviews for the Last Girl Standing DVD that she had some sort of real-life beef with one of the girls (I’m not going to say who). And when you see Briana with that girl in the orgy scene, you can see her giving that girl a good ‘ole-fashioned, strap-on, grudge f***ing.

Just as an aside, it still amazes me how, whenever a lesbian orgy scene “breaks out” in a film, all the dildos, double-dildos, strap-ons, vibrators, massagers, and harnesses materialize out of nowhere. It’s not like there’s a whole bunch of suitcases or boxes in the corner of the room just waiting to be unpacked. . . ;)

Now if you haven’t quite busted that nut just yet, Mercedez next has a scene that’s slow and sensual, if anything. I guess the producers of the movie figured that after the frenetic pace of the orgy, it was time to slow the film down a little bit. Mercedez is not just the requisite performer with no last name (and doesn‘t it seem that every porn film has at least one of those?), she just might be the most beautiful woman in the whole movie; and that‘s saying a lot. In any other context (read, one without so many big names), she might steal the film.

At this point you’re probably thinking, “What about Ms. Jameson? Are you sure she is in the film?” Yes she is. It’s just that up until this point she‘s an integral part of the plot, and all her scenes are conspicuously nonsexual. Up until this point anyway...

In the final sex scene, Jenna helps Tawny “audition” for her part (you’ll have to see the film to understand what I’m talking about). Now, before I say anything about this one-on-one lesbian scene, I want you to keep something in mind. Jameson, of course, is arguably the biggest female pornstar in the universe and I notice in a lot of her scenes with other women - which is basically all she does, now that she’s married - she power trips (understandably so). So if I were to tell you that in the scene between her and Tawny, one of them straps it on and bangs the other in the pile-driver position; or that one of them takes said strap-on and bangs the other in the butt while commanding that other person to, “Ride it, bitch!”; could you tell who was on the receiving end of that? I thought so.

So would I recommend Last Girl Standing? Well, in case you haven’t been paying attention, hell yeah. Let me put it this way, there’s no reason not to get this film. You want some hot, beautiful women (regardless of how big their names are)? You got it. You want super starlets? You got it. You want some feasible, held-together, yet-not-too-complicated plot? You got it. You want over the top (no pun intended) f***ing and sucking? You got it.

It’s like that old spaghetti sauce commercial says: *with a pseudo-Italian accent* “You want (X,Y, and Z)? Hey, it’s in there!”