Porn Review: 1 Night In Paris

Okay, this is the part where you pretend not to know anything about this movie and I give you a little background information on it and I tell you who is in it. But let’s face it, we’ve all heard of 1 Night In Paris, so let’s dispense with that charade and get to the action, shall we? If there’s one thing that’s patently obvious, it’s the fact that Paris Hilton loves the camera and the spotlight (I

know, you’re shocked). But surprisingly enough, I don’t think there is any excessive mugging on her part. Except for in the opening scene when she and her ex-boyfriend Rick are doing it in the dark. Understandably, the scene is being captured using infrared light. The problem is that every time they look directly into the camera (which is often, believe me), it gives you the creeps. You know that glint that you see when you look into a dog’s eyes at night? And you thought red-eye was bad. Yeah, those spook-eyes take some getting used to.

As for the sex, it’s totally decent if you’re used to amateur vids. But I have to admit that I‘m not. I’m used to background music and different camera angles every other minute in a porn DVD. The feel of 1 Night In Paris, as I suppose it is the case with most amateur videos, lends itself to voyeuristic pleasure. Since the camera angle doesn’t change and there’s no inane background music, it‘s more close to the sex you and I know, love, and spy on. It’s more realistic and - in Miss Hilton’s own words - that’s hot.

And for an amateur vid, the quality is better than you have any right to expect. So either this Rick guy should have a budding career as a videographer, or the folks at RedLightDistrict did a bang-up job producing the movie.

There’s this interlude that comes after the first scene where Paris is primping herself in the bathroom and she and Rick have this little dialogue. (To me, anytime there’s no sex going on in a skin flick, it’s considered an “interlude.”) What happens here is, he says dirty things to her, and deep down I think she’s kind of turned on by them. But, I think she feels she’s not supposed to appreciate that kind of talk. So she puts on this act like she’s offended by what the guy says. Nonetheless, the “I’m a good, decent girl and don’t talk to me like that” routine starts to wear a little thin after a while. And how smooth is this guy?: he gets her to do all this stuff. On camera.

There’s a middle scene in 1 Night In Paris with some extended coochie-eating. I mean some really looong coochie-eating. Now I’m sure (if you’re holding it down like you’re supposed to, fellas :)) a lot of you guys take just as long when you go down on your woman. But on camera, it just plays as one long scene, especially when you can’t really see the nitty-gritty. You don’t ever see the oral-genital contact. I mean looking at Paris’ cum expressions are nice, but enough already. (Did I mention that this scene is really long?)

And that reminds me of something. Between all the hand-wringing and tsk-tsking on one end, and the subtle winks and rib-nudging on the other, you would think that this is one really explicit video. However, up until the ending scene, you could’ve aired this before midnight - but after dark, of course - on HBO.

Speaking of that end scene, wow. She sucks dick like a pro, man. She’s not pornstar spectacular, but she’s really good. The proof is in the cum shot.

I guess the bottom-line is if you’re a fan of the ubiquitous Ms. Hilton, then by all means rent or buy 1 Night In Paris. It just might be that simple.