Porn Review: Reign of Tera

Reign of Tera is the story about a secret brothel called the Asian Love Palace. Potential male customers make reservations for the brothel online, and are picked up in a limousine. They are then driven to the brothel with no word on their exact street destination (think Batman taking a blindfolded Penguin to the bat cave in that old TV show). In that respect, the Moonlite Bunny Ranch in Nevada it is not.

The film is weird in that the actors are playing themselves in some erotic alternate universe. So even though Ms. Patrick is playing the lead as the hostess of a brothel (which she is not in real life), her character’s name is Tera Patrick, and so forth with the other girls.

Reign of Tera starts off with Tera and real-life hubby Spyder Jonez who plays the resident brothel pimp (appropriately enough), down to the pin-stripe suit. Now that Ms. Patrick is married, she - like a lot of other attached female porn stars - has a very short list of men she will perform with in front of the camera; namely, only her husband. (However, other women are fair game.) There’s just something about sex between a starlet and her husband…what word am I looking for? Oh yeah, “boring”.

And what would a Tera Patrick scene be without her specialty: blowjobs. She is a self-admitted fellatio-phile and in the scenes with Jonez, she doesn‘t disappoint in that respect.

Charmane Star and Tera have a scene that is sweet, if you’re into that sort of thing. But the person that really shines in this movie is Jayna Oso: she is hotter than a Kung Po platter. She has a mmmf gangbang with Tommy Gunn, Seth Dickens, and Peter Shaft and she takes them all on like a pro (pun intended). She absolutely oozes sensuality, and let’s just say there’s a reason they call her the Asian Anal Queen.

There’s only one other anal scene (TP doesn‘t do anal) in Reign of Tera. Lucy Thai, Nyomi Marcella, and Kurt Lockwood have a 3-way scene that is all well and hot (and by the way, Lucy Thai has a couple of the best-shaped breasts I have ever seen) but is only an appetizer for what is about to follow.

What does follow is this grand lesbian orgy that, although the women are sensual and gorgeous, makes you wish there were a dick or two sprinkled somewhere in the scene. I’d list all the women in the scene, but it’d be easier for you to just read the movie poster credits. I’ve never seen so many natural breasts in one scene before.

As you would expect for a group this large, the girls break up into more manageable pairs. Out come the vibrators, the double dildos, and the strap-ons; a few girls are given the finger (you know what I mean); and a good time is had by all. But wait...

Remember what I said before about pornstar/hubby sex being boring? Well, that term doesn’t apply when there are about ten or so other women in on the tryst. Patrick and Jonez later join the sexcapade and somehow most of them all meet in the center of their harem room. What follows is your typical, run-of-the-mill (in your dreams anyway), dirty dozen suck-and-fuck.

Although Reign of Tera was satisfying, an hour after I finished watching it, I felt like watching it some more. Odd...